Body Image

September 8, 2014 / ktbuchs87

Body image. I’ve written about it before and I will probably write about it again. It is something that I know many people out there struggle with. It is something that I struggle with daily. If my own struggles and experience can help even one person, then I count that worth it. That being said, if you don’t feel like reading another post about this topic that is totally fine. Check back Wednesday and Friday for more healthy recipes and tips. Otherwise, read on.

I had done it. I had made the decision to get healthier and I had stuck with it this time. Things just clicked and I ate better, found exercise that I loved, and I lost weight. Clothes started to fit better, I felt healthier and had more energy than I had before. It was like a Cinderella story, if Cinderella was overweight and ate junk food and then magically changed. I thought that because all of these things were happening, I would be happy. I would finally feel like I looked like I should. I would be self confident, I wouldn’t talk negatively about my body, and I would finally have a good body image. I was wrong. The magic Cinderella story didn’t happen like I thought it would.

I was shocked to realize that even though I had lost weight, I still had problems with my body image. At the beginning, I had trouble matching the image in the mirror with what I saw in my head. I was still the bigger girl in my mind and I just couldn’t see the new girl who had finally lost the weight. Over time, I was able to finally see what was really there. Through the help and support of friends and family, I realized that I looked different than I thought I did. It also helped that I could wear smaller sizes and do things physically that I couldn’t before, like run a 5k race. I started to feel better about the way I looked, and I was relieved that it felt like my body image issues were starting to get better.

Imagine my surprise now where I find myself struggling again. It’s been about three years since I dealt with those first weight loss body image issues, but those challenges are starting to creep back into my life. This time though it isn’t problems with matching my mirror image to my mental image. I find myself playing the comparison game and I really hate that I’m doing that. I tell others never to compare themselves to anyone else because they are their own unique selves. No one is like you or can ever be like you so you should celebrate your awesome self. And all the while I can say those things to others, I can’t seem to get myself to believe those sentiments.

The thoughts and questions that run through my mind are so hypocritical of what I want others to think. Shouldn’t I have six-pack abs with all the core exercises I do? Why can that person eat more than me and still have muscles? Am I eating too much? Am I eating too little? Am I not eating the right things? Why can’t I do a full push-up without struggling the whole time? Shouldn’t 5 miles feel like a breeze to me by now? And on and on and on…. I feel like that insecure, high school girl, worried that everyone is staring at me and judging me, all over again. Why am I doing this to myself? Why do I have to go through this AGAIN?

Rather than sit here and wallow in my returning body image issues, I’m going to tackle them head on. There are things that I can do to stop the comparing game and start being proud of myself. I need to stop looking at all the Pinterest images and health magazine models with bodies that aren’t attainable to the majority of the population. Nothing good ever comes from trying to compare myself to them and wonder why I can’t look like them. I’m not them, I’m me and that is just fine. I don’t have a six pack, but I can hold a plank for seven minutes and I know that my core is strong. That’s good enough. I can stop worrying about all the things I might not be doing perfectly for my health. I am a human being and I will never be perfect. That is good enough. I won’t compare the way I eat or how much I eat to other people’s diets. My body needs to be nourished in it’s own way and as long as I feel healthy and am getting adequate nutrition, I shouldn’t worry. That is good enough. I should be proud of all that I can do physically. So what if I can’t clean and jerk an 85 pound barbell or run a marathon in 3 hours? I can do a whole heck of a lot. I should be grateful that I have a body that can do so much. That is good enough.

My overall message for this post is that I, and you, are good enough. Yes, it’s tiring and a little frustrating that I still have to deal with body image issues. I wish that I didn’t have to deal with them and that like the weight I lost, they would just go away. But that’s not the reality of the situation. The reality is I will continue to work on my self image and I will continue to try and help others do the same. One day I know that I can get to the place of feeling totally comfortable in my beautiful skin. Until I reach that point, I will continue being positive and working hard. And that is good enough.

Are You Projecting?

August 11, 2014 / ktbuchs87

My husband, Adam, and I went to Indianapolis this weekend to watch the DCI world championships. We’re both big band nerds and watching drum and bugle corps perform is something that we both love to do. We had about a five to six hour trip back home and long road trips are always a great time to talk about any and everything. One of the topics that came up was health, go figure. I tend to eat very differently from the way that most people eat. It can make it a bit tricky to go out with a big group of people, especially for someone like me who doesn’t like a spotlight shone on me.

I tried to explain to Adam why I get a little stressed out when I have to deal with a group outing that involves food. I don’t like to be an inconvenience to others and I always feel like the way I eat is a major inconvenience to the general public. Whenever someone asks, “Where should we eat?” I inwardly cringe. I know that the real question behind that is, “Where can Katie eat?”. As I got to think about this a little more though, is that really the question or is that just how I am perceiving others to feel? Am I projecting my own feelings onto them? The short answer, probably.

Do you find yourself doing this? You feel that how you choose to eat or workout or live your life is a little bit outside the general norm and that in turn puts the people you come into contact with off. It tends to bother me when people demand things be a certain way just to make their life easier. I totally understand that in some cases, people need to demand the way they eat for the sake of their health. Those who have Celiac’s disease HAVE to avoid gluten in every way possible or else there can be major medical complications. They deserve to have their food prepared in a way that is safe to them. Other people though have abused things like Celiac’s or lactose intolerance or other eating issues just as a way to lose a few pounds or because it is the fad of the moment. I am not here to debate whether this is right or not, I just know that I don’t want to contribute to the difficulties some face by having to eat a certain way for medical reasons. Because of my desire to avoid that issue, I realized that I am projecting my own feelings onto those around me without ever really knowing if that is how they truly feel.

When I think about it more, I am pretty positive that most people do not care that I eat differently. They probably do not feel overly burdened with trying to accommodate me. When they ask me what can or will I eat, they genuinely care about my answer and don’t think that I am being demanding or a spoiled brat. That is all in my head. As I told this to Adam on our ride home, his response was to just relax. Try not to worry so much about what other people are thinking. Because I am not a person who demands that things need to be a certain way or else I won’t participate, most people are happy and willing to help me out. I would imagine if you feel this way too, you might be overthinking the situation exactly like I did. Making the choice to be healthier and to eat in the way that makes you feel good and allows you to be happy is something that I fully support. Much to your surprise, your friends and family will feel that way too. As long as you aren’t throwing a temper tantrum if something isn’t exactly the way you need it or demanding that they do it your way or the highway, the people around you will be more than happy to work with you. And if you want some tips on how to help them accommodate you, check out this post.

Don’t project your own feelings and insecurities onto others, because like in my case, you’re probably wrong. Try to relax, enjoy time with your loved ones, and don’t worry about what people think. You will have a much better time, I promise!

This Is Hard

July 7, 2014 / ktbuchs87

One of the messages that I hope to convey on this blog is that health doesn’t have to be hard. You don’t have to be a world class chef, capable of complicated cooking techniques. You don’t need to live at the gym or buy into crazy gimmicks or expensive equipment. There are so many simple things that you can do to be healthier and enhance your life. But make no mistake, healthy can be hard.

Yes, there are ways to make the decision to be healthier much easier than might think. I try to do my best to share those tips and advice with you. What I mean is that there are days that you are going to struggle. There are times that you are going to wonder why you’re even doing this and if it’s really worth it. There will be moments that you want to quite and you may very well give into those feelings. Believe it or not, this happens to everyone. Even the healthiest person you can think of will have moments of doubt and question their choices. Maybe their moments of doubt last only a minute, but they are still there.

I have gone through periods of time where I really wonder why I am doing this. It’s hard, it takes a lot of self motivation and willpower, and to be honest I get tired. I get tired of constantly choosing to take the healthier route. Some days it would be SO much easier to just get take out food for dinner. It would be heaven to just sleep in and skip my morning workout. Sometimes I long to just spend my whole Saturday on the couch watching TV and downing huge bowls of cereal like I did when I was in high school. I don’t want to prep my meals for the week, I want to sit on my butt and look at pictures of cats on the internet. I don’t want to drink another glass of water, I want to have a huge glass of store bought, sugar-laden juice. This is hard, it drains me, why do I keep on doing this?

I have had every one of these thoughts and many others that are less than stellar. It might seem like I am totally unmotivated to be healthy anymore. It might seem like I just want to give up and that I should stop complaining. You’re right. The thing is, these gripes and struggles are what makes me human. They are also what makes me stronger and even more motivated to continue as well as try to help others. Overcoming obstacles and challenges are part of what makes you unique. They add to your character and make you stronger. If you never had to face any adversity and were able to breeze through life, you wouldn’t be the person you are today. Health is like any other part of your life. It takes strength, some days more than others, to constantly commit to being better than yesterday. It’s ok to feel all the feelings that you do about being healthier.

What do you do though when you feel like there are more bad days than good ones on your journey? For me, I try to think of all the things I can do now that I couldn’t do before. It helps me to see the progress I have made over the years. It also helps to think about how I felt about myself before I started to make changes in my life. I wasn’t very happy, I was very insecure, and I didn’t feel healthy or strong like I do now. I know I don’t want to feel like that again, so that helps motivate me to stay the course when I’m having a rough day. Sometimes you’ll even find help when you least expect it. Maybe a family member will comment on all the hard work you’ve done and how it looks like it’s really paying off. Maybe a friend will start to make healthier choices because you are. Maybe, like me, you’ll realize your story and experiences can help others feel the way you do now and you want to do what you can to help them get there.

It’s ok to feel doubt and want to give up. You aren’t superhero (or maybe you are, don’t worry I won’t reveal your true identity) and even superheroes have their down days. Use those doubts and fears to make you stronger and shape your personality. Don’t let them tear you down to the point where you don’t want to try. Learn from them and adjust your journey from what you learn. I know that you can do this and it’s time for you to believe that you can too.

How To Drive A Runner Crazy

June 9, 2014 / ktbuchs87

The number one way that you can drive a runner crazy is to tell them they can’t run. Then just sit back and watch the madness ensue. For the past month or so, I have not been able to run because of a knee injury. I thought that I should share this experience with you because I know that some of you may have dealt with this yourself. Or, although I really hope not, you might have to deal with it in the future. This has been a tough month, but I do think some good has come from me having to deal with this injury.

Towards the end of April, Adam and I were doing a workout together that included some running along with squats and pushups. During the running parts, I noticed a little twinge on the outside of my knee, but didn’t pay much attention to it because it wasn’t bothering or hindering me in any way. That changed near the end of the workout when I could barely run/walk because of the pain in my knee. I thought that I had just over worked myself that week and just needed a little rest/ice and my knee would be good to go. I have been extremely lucky in my time as a runner that I have had practically no serious injuries. So I rested all the next day and iced my knee and by Monday morning it felt better, so out I went for my run. About 3 minutes in, the pain was back full force and I had to hobble my way back home.

Thus began my time of not running. This was the first time in my whole running “career” that I had to stop running for longer than a few days. I immediately went into panic mode and jumped to the worst possible conclusions and thought, “What if I can never run again?” Yes, I can tend to be a little overdramatic. The first few days of not running, I was pretty miserable. To make matters worse, running was the ONLY thing that irritated my knee. I would do yoga, my crossfit like workouts, walk, ride my bike, and anything else you can think of and my knee would be fine. But start to put one foot in front of the other in a running motion, and I was down for the count. This was also right around the time that all the stress of our future move started to really pile up. All I wanted to do was go for a run but I couldn’t. I knew that I needed an outlet for all that pent up frustration, so I started to bike in the mornings.

I do not like biking. I still do not like biking. In fact I probably dislike it more now than I did before my injury. Biking just is not my thing. I like the idea of biking and I respect and appreciate all the people out there who love to bike. My husband is a biker, and I love to encourage him to bike more and do what he loves. But put me on two wheels and tell me to go, and I will make a face like a kid being told to eat a worm. You’re probably wondering two things at this point, 1. Why did she replace running with biking if she hates it and 2. Has she ever eaten a worm and is that why she used that analogy? To answer the second question, no I have never eaten a worm, don’t worry. To answer the second, it’s a little complicated.

The simple, quick answer is because I thought I had to ride my bike if I wasn’t running. The more complicated, and more honest answer, is I was afraid. Running has become my therapy. It was one of the catalysts for finally taking charge of my health and changing and I have fallen in love with it. Running had always been there and it had always helped me, even if I didn’t think I needed help. Now it was gone and I was afraid of what would happen to me. I was afraid that I would lose ground in my overall health and fitness. I was afraid that if I stopped running I would never run again. I was afraid that I would somehow turn into the old me before I decided to change my life and become healthier. I didn’t want to wake up one morning and look in the mirror and see the unhealthy girl that was never totally confident about herself staring back at me. I thought that without running I would immediately lose all I had gained as well as gain all that I had lost.

As this month has gone by, I can tell you that none of my fears have come true. Once I stopped pouting about not being able to run and came to terms with that fact that if I wanted to get totally better I had to stop running, I realized that I could do this. Being a runner isn’t the only thing that makes me me. Running isn’t the only thing that has made me healthier these past few years. It’s funny, but once I took away running, I was able to see all of the other areas of my life that I am really good at and that promote my overall health. I am pretty decent at yoga, and poses that I always thought were out of my reach actually come quite naturally when I focus and concentrate on my form. I am strong. I can do squats for days, and I am almost to being able to crank out a good number of full pushups, something I have struggled with for a long time. I am fairly good at coming up with creative ways to use the foods I eat on a regular basis. I am getting better at using the ingredients I have on hand to make delicious and healthy meals. While to a certain extent I have always been confident in the kitchen, I have become even more so and I am also more confident in doing my own thing and not always following a recipe to the T.

Without running, I would never have discovered or paid much attention to these other areas of my life and I would have missed out on the other great things that make me, me. But it’s time to bring running back. I miss it a lot. I miss the feel of the ground beneath my feet as I finally hit my stride. I miss the smell of the trees and grass as summer is making it’s way to the midwest. I miss the feeling of accomplishment and invincibility that follows a ten mile run. I even miss the it hurts so good sessions of foam rolling my IT band. This week I am going to start to slowly add running back to my life. I am still a little nervous that the pain will come back in the first few minutes of my run. I still have the irrational fear of never being able to run again. But I also have the newfound knowledge that just because I define myself as a runner, that isn’t the only thing that defines me.

Coming to You Live From Chicago!

June 2, 2014 / ktbuchs87

Hello from Chicago! My husband, Adam, and I are finally living in the Windy City. We moved into our apartment a little over a week ago and have settled in these past few days. We have really enjoyed getting to explore our new neighborhood and learn where everything is. Every morning we head out to the Chicago Lakefront Trail and ride up and down enjoying the beaches and parks all along the way. The city has so much to offer us and we are very excited to take full advantage.

This move was the most stressful move for me that we’ve ever done. All our other moves were of a smaller scale, as in we would just move down the street or at least within the same town. We didn’t have to rent a truck, figure out a new city, leave our job, or worry about where to run outside (ok, that last one is just me!). I admitted to Adam yesterday as we were walking around outside, that while I was ok with moving for his new job, I had been absolutely terrified to move to Chicago. I was afraid that I would hate everything about city living. All the people, cramped spaces, a smaller apartment, a grocery store I didn’t know, unfamiliar streets, higher cost on everything, and no concrete job position for me. I was truly worried that I was not made to live in a more urban area and that I would quickly isolate myself with my cat in my apartment. I knew in my head that moving here was the best decision for us, but I just couldn’t convince my heart that was true.

This wasn’t even totally full yet. Thank goodness Adam is a Tetris champ!

One of my biggest problems is that I tend to internalize my stress and worries instead of sharing them. I bottle up my feelings and soldier on because I feel like that is what I should do. No one needs to carry the burden of my problems other than me. Of course that is ridiculous. No one can keep all of their problems to themselves without breaking under the pressure at some point. By keeping all my worries to myself, I negatively impacted my health. I developed a cold a few days before our move and I am still getting over it. A few weeks before the move, my knee started to hurt so bad that I could no longer run on it. I still have not been able to run, and I am trying my hardest to rest and let it heal. During the actual move, I lost my appetite and didn’t eat the same healthy meals that I normally make and I also didn’t drink as much water as I normally do. All of these things added up to me feeling crummy and that is not how you want to feel when you have to move. I felt weak and could barely help Adam move and load our boxes. I felt exhausted during the day and wanted nothing more than to take long naps all day. Even my face started to break out. Health wise, I was pretty much a wreck.

Bedroom. Haven’t done much to this room other than put our stuff in it. We’ll get to it soon….

If you go back and read my other posts about moving, you’ll probably notice a similar theme. I start to stress, keep it to myself, and my health turns into a mess. Why can’t I seem to get my act together and why do I keep telling you about it? I am not perfect, far from it, in fact. Even though I enjoy being healthy and do my best to do all the things I know make me feel and look my best, I still fail from time to time. I know that many of you feel that becoming healthier is really hard and you get frustrated when you fail. I am the same way. I am slowly learning though that being healthy isn’t about being perfect 100% of the time.

It’s ok to fail or not do something as well as you had hoped. It isn’t how you fail that defines your health, it’s how you deal with the fallout. Rather than wallow in your shortcomings and quit, pick yourself up and get right back in the game. Use that experience to help shape your healthy journey in a positive way. Learn from your mistakes and when the same obstacle arises next time you will be able to overcome it. I am getting better at being ok with my imperfections and knowing that my overall health is more important that the tiny little things I do everyday. As long as you are working towards being healthy and the majority of your choices and decisions are good ones, I promise you that your health will be just fine. One setback every now and then is not going to totally derail all the hard work you have done.

Tiny kitchen, but I make it work!

While I am hoping that I won’t have to move for a long time (I would love to live in an apartment for more than one leasing period!), I know that this move has taught me so much for the next one. I am also happy to say that I absolutely LOVE living in Chicago. All my fears and doubts are gone and I am relishing living in a new area. It is exactly what Adam and I needed to continue to grow in our lives and in our relationship. We had gotten all that we could from our previous area and it was time to move on. Now big things are in store for the next chapter of our life and I can not wait to get started!